What Do You Wear to Bed?

A recent survey of 1004 Britons interestingly revealed what they wear to bed and queried how that impacts on the state of their relationships. They discovered that 57% of the people surveyed slept nude and that these people were happy and content in their relationships. Of the remainder, some slept in pyjamas, nighties, tee shirts and shorts. 40% of Brits were found to sleep naked, as did nearly half of the over 55 year-old age bracket.

It led me to consider the factors that affect what we wear to bed.

In the early days of a relationship sex, intimacy and a desire to be close is often a driving force in everything we do. Wearing something to bed is often regarded as unnecessary and intrusive as the urge to be near and enjoy the delicious feel of skin on skin, body on body beckons.

- But what about pregnancy? During pregnancy and after her baby is born many women feel self-conscious about their bodies. They may feel unhappy about their body shape and size, feel self-conscious about stretch marks or scars. They may feel undesirable, be less interested in sex, be tired through looking after their baby, be exhausted and cold through getting up during the night to feed and comfort their child. Wearing a nightdress or pyjamas to bed may cover their modesty as well as being a practical solution to their need to get up quickly when called upon without having to stop to dress.

- Modesty can be a factor if someone's involved in a house share, whether it be with lodgers or elderly relatives. There may be concerns at being disturbed or at needing to be vigilant if required urgently throughout the night. A lock on the bedroom door can be an effective solution but some people may feel a little insecure if they sleep in the nude.

- Illness can influence a person's comfort in sleeping naked. Feeling ill can cause a person to want to feel cosy, secure, protected. They may want to be left alone. Being in bed wearing pyjamas or a nightdress may feel a little more private and less vulnerable.

- Shift workers often have erratic sleeping patterns as they try to sleep at varied hours throughout the day and night. It can help if they create familiar associations with sleep that quickly inspire a warm, cosy and settled environment when they go to bed. Pyjamas, nighties, bed socks can provide those associations and enable them to rest, hopefully drifting off to sleep fairly quickly.

None of the scenarios I've described reflects badly on the state of a person's relationship. They simply reveal how life over time introduces situations that benefit from flexible and individual approaches. As a relationship evolves from heady intoxication to the more practical state of children, mortgages, stress and work/life balance a couple may still choose to sleep naked, but if they don't it doesn't signify that there are issues between them.

- However when there are serious tensions in a relationship and a couple do start to draw apart there is often a desire to cover up and not be seen naked. It can feel too exposed and vulnerable to be looked at or touched intimately by someone with whom one is feeling less close; it's too intimate, not right somehow.

- Another factor can be if our partner has unfortunate bedroom habits. They too can influence how we feel about sleeping naked. Eating in bed can be a turnoff, as indeed can dirty washing on the floor or our partner wearing socks in bed. Reading, working in bed and being a restless sleeper are also things that can irritate a partner over time. Habits that did not occur in the early days of a relationship or that seemed endearing at the outset can gradually begin to drive us to distraction.

But don't forget that some sleep wear can be expensive, sexy, a turn on; a beautiful negligee, lacy teddy may make the wearer feel desirable and attractive to her partner. Wearing something alluring may be part of their sexy bedtime activity. Equally, sleeping naked can be sensuous, intimate and a lovely enhancement of one's relationship. Touching each others skin, spooning, being close can heal tensions and stress. Naked can enjoy the touch and feel of cool sheets, move freely, not feel constricted by bed-clothes. And as Marilyn Monroe said, all she wore to bed was a rather lovely fragrance.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples experiencing relationship difficulties to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

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